There’s the sound of somewhere else and the permanence of a plant pot and the ubiquity of a phrase and the heartbreaking brevity of a very long time. There’s figs and worms and an old dog rejecting a blanket. There’s a woman, on a train, wearing a badge. There’s the first beep of a smoke alarm and there’s a daffodil in December and there’s the condition of fruit.
There’s a hand in bed and there’s stuff on the stairs and there’s a mark on my jumper and there’s a massive tree in storage on a farm in Kent. There’s nothing to say and there’s the thought of rotting and there’s the name of a feeling and there’s the smell of tobacco. There’s the twelfth floor of a hotel and the far end of a platform at Tamworth train station.
There’s a duty to act and there’s a resistance to growth and there’s a new place up the road and there’s a completely redundant volume control. There’s a toilet in Hong Kong and a coffee shop in Melbourne and the passage of light through a building and deliberately making things much more difficult than they actually need to be.
And.
There’s music, more or less throughout, at least two funny voices and upwards of three jokes.
In a scandalous twist on the classic fairy tale, it’s time to swipe right on Tinderella – the naughtiest adult panto to ever hit the stage! You’re invited to a night of raucous laughter, innuendos, outuendos and unexpected encounters that will have you begging for more!
Tinderella is a whizz on social media, a real influencer, but it’s all a charade because poor Tinders has no money, no man and none of the glamorous life she claims to be living.
Until one day, she meets not one, but two Princes in the woods…. But who has the biggest balls?
Will this be her happy ending or will she lose more than her shoe?!
You’ll be gagging for more in this outrageously naughty Panto from the UK’s most renowned Adult Pantomime Producer.
Expect cheesy anthems, spicy frolics, rib-tickling antics and all the audience participation you would expect for you big boys & girls.
Leave the kids at home and grab your glass slippers for Tinderella – Two Big Balls, One Happy Ending!
WARNINGS:
May not be politically correct
Happy Endings are guaranteed
Age guidance 16+ (under 18s to be accompanied by an adult).
From the Soho Theatre Drag Lab, self-proclaimed drag legend and Dabbers Next Top Bingo Caller semi-finalist, Ms Amber Guity, returns to the Queens Theatre Hornchurch with her sell out Drag Bingo show.
Expect comedy, music, sing-a-longs, two full games of bingo and ridiculous prizes, in a drag bingo party you won’t want to miss.
Mesdames and Messieurs, may I take your tickets please?
Pinch Punch welcome you aboard Locomotive for Murder: The Improvised Whodunnit, a totally improvised, totally hilarious murder mystery where killing the cast and cracking the case is in your hands. Expect shaky alibis and silver – tongued sleuths along with thrills, spills, and good old – fashioned kills. Four characters board a train, but not everyone will survive…
Thankfully, a world – famous detective is onboard, ready to solve the case . But who is the murderer? Only one person in the show knows – the murderer themselves! Can you help the detective solve the case? Using audience stories and suggestions, watch Pinch Punch create a unique, one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-repeated whodunnit.
If you love comedy or murder mysteries, then this is the show for you!
Get ready for big laughs as the lovable, bumbling Baffo returns in a riotous, cycle-themed clown show. Wondering how to blow up a tyre or ride a bike? Baffo’s got you covered… sort of. Expect wild stunts, ridiculous feats and plenty of belly laughs, all set to live music. It’s pure fun from the starting line to the finish.
“Little ones will enjoy it and adults will be laughing their socks off as well. Baffo is absolute genius.” – Audience member
“Absolutely brilliant.” – Parent
Since 2005, the Comedy Club 4 Kids has been getting the best stand-ups, sketch acts and cabaret stars to do their thing for an audience of children (aged 6+) and their families… but without the rude bits! The show is family-friendly but without any patronising idiocy. In fact, it’s just like a normal comedy club, but it’s on during the day, kids are allowed in, and thus there is a higher-than-usual chance of the entire audience claiming to be called Bob.
Twenty years later, the company has expanded from one London residency to being countrywide, running shows and workshops all over the UK from Peebles to Portsmouth, even producing a book on how to write and perform stand-up, and hosting our own Radio Nonsense podcast to bring the sillies to families all over the world.
From the Soho Theatre Drag Lab, self-proclaimed drag legend and Dabbers Next Top Bingo Caller semi-finalist, Ms Amber Guity, returns to the Queens Theatre Hornchurch with her sell out Drag Bingo show.
Expect comedy, music, sing-a-longs, two full games of bingo and ridiculous prizes, in a drag bingo party you won’t want to miss.
Expect sharp wit, fearless punchlines and non-stop laughs as a top lineup of UK comedy talent takes to the stage for a night full of big moments and even bigger laughs. If you’ve joined us before, you already know the vibe… and if not, this is the perfect one to start with.
Acts:
– Tommy Sandhu (BBC, Netflix, Sky One)
– Kyrah Gray (Netflix, Comedy Central Live)
– Valeria Vulpe (SYTYF Finalist, Spirit of Comedy Winner)
– Milton Jones (Mock the Week, Live At The Apollo)
A great night out in Hornchurch with big energy, quality comedy and a crowd that brings the atmosphere.
All acts confirmed at time of booking and subject to change without prior notice.
This isn’t just any show – these “ladies” deliver a fast-paced, laugh-out-loud spectacle like no other. Featuring a cast of three internationally acclaimed performers, the show is a dazzling mix of outrageous comedy, sensational live vocals and jaw-dropping dance routines.
Expect iconic hits from Tina Turner, Adele, Lady Gaga, Elton John, and many more – though not quite like you’ve seen them before!
Heading out on the road for their third and biggest tour to date, The Dazzling Diamonds are bringing an all – new show packed with hilarious new routines, alongside some of the fan favourites that audiences have come to know and love. They’ve been wowing audiences everywhere, leaving them with aching jaws, tears of laughter, and standing ovations night after night.
Don’t miss your chance to see why audiences are calling this “the funniest night on the road.”
So, grab your gang, dust off the sequins, and get ready for an evening of glitz, glamour, and non-stop entertainment. The Dazzling Diamonds are here to shine – and trust us, you won’t want to miss a moment
Age guidance 16+.
The biggest stars of stand-up came here on their way to stratospheric fame. Acts contain strong language. Off the Kerb reserves the right to alter line-ups. Age guidance 16+.
All acts confirmed at time of booking and subject to change without prior notice.
